The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .

However when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced go to website intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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