The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .

But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that many of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This visit this page means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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