The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, link which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Lots of gay men wish to find out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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