The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting check here in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and wellness .

When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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